i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
