they need to just BURY HIM!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
