she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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