I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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