Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
