I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
