probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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