I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
