IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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