Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
