how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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