help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
