Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
