oh god the rape fog is back!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
