I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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