I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
