i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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