The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
