just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
