About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
