Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize