I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
