I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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