I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
