if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
