I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
