my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
