im drinking this country out of the recession.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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