Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
