Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
