He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
