He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
this just has baby written all over it
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
