I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
