Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
