she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
