He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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