I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
so much tequila, so little girl.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize