1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
