You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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