Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
