have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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