just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
