I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
