he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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