Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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