that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
