i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I have fence marks all over my body
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
