one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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