u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize