so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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