I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
