i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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