He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize