This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
