hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize