dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
