wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i will never coherently bang her
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
