the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
