i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
