Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
