just tell him i said nine months
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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