Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
