He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
