I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
