but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
