Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize