Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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