theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
