Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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