I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
