We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
