Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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