watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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