Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My day in three words: secret purse cake
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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