You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
