I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
