I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
