So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
