someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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