Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
