So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
