Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
