Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
