How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
someone owes me an orgasm
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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