It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
