So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
