Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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