I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
