I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Enjoy the penises
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
